Resistance

21 September 2023

I’m driving myself crazy. Some days, I’m so amped, ready and motivated for ‘this thing’, and then the next day, I’ve talked myself out of it. I feel delusional and directionless. Am I to blame for this to-ing and fro-ing between excited and despondent? It’s been going on for a while now, and it needs to stop. I have to break this cycle. Or at least, I need to understand it.

Can anyone relate?

It’s not in all aspects of my life. Although, to clarify, I think we do experience ebbs and flows in all aspects of our life. But, when I experience an ebb in say my commitment to exercise, I can work through it, pick myself up, and get out of the hole I find myself in. But something is blocking me when it comes to carving out a passionate path for myself that will lead to a tangible reward. It’s just too stop-start for my liking.

I say tangible reward because I recently stumbled across a tape recording of a consultation that I had about 15 years ago with an astrologer. I had to search long and hard to get my hands on a cassette player to listen. I don’t think I truly listened at the time of receiving the consultation, because when listening now, everything sounded new and refreshing. It was fascinating. In a nutshell, ‘teaching is very much a part of me, but I do need a tangible reward’ (he said). I am trying to make sense of the teaching and tangibility. Accounting was tangible, but perhaps I should have taught the principles. The message feels right, but dang, something is blocking me when it comes to putting it into practice. So much resistance.

I have ideas and dreams. They’re especially vibrant when I’m running freely - the times when I’m feeling fully alive. And then they diminish - seem foolish, almost downright silly - sometimes during the night or in a crowded room.

Anyway, the point of this post:

I’m about to read:

The War of Art by Steven Pressfield

Many of you may know this book. I’ve actually heard about it before, but I only ‘really noticed it’ today. Maybe I’m slow off the mark, but I hope it’s good timing. I’m banking on it to help me get out of this cycle.

If you’ve read it and you think that it may help me, please let me know.

I’ll end off with three excerpts from the book:

“Look in your own heart. Unless I’m crazy, right now a still, small voice is piping up, telling you as it has ten thousand times before, the calling that is yours and yours alone. You know it. No one has to tell you. And unless I’m crazy, you’re no closer to taking action on it than you were yesterday or will be tomorrow. You think Resistance isn’t real? Resistance will bury you.”

“Resistance is directly proportional to love. If you're feeling massive Resistance, the good news is that it means there's tremendous love there too.”

“What finally convinced me to go ahead was simply that I was so unhappy not going ahead. I was developing symptoms. As soon as I sat down and began, I was okay.”